doctor sketches

Dr. Razzmatazz is what the resident calls the director of the pediatrics clerkship program. He is a serious, thin, intense doctor who just got out of residency recently. He lives alone. There is a staff bulletin board with pictures of all the doctors and nurses. Most of the nurses have captions that read like this, "I have worked on this unit for 25 years. I have 5 children, 16 grandchildren, 2 cats and a dog named Obi Wan. I like to ride my Harley Davidson, shop at the mall and go to the Bahamas with my husband Miltie." Under Dr. Razzmatazz's picture on the staff bulletin board, it says: "I have worked on this unit for 2 years. I like to read." The nurses whispered to me that the jar in the lounge marked "If you say a curse word, deposit 25 cents here" is actually a collection jar to buy him a stripper for his birthday this year. Dr. Razzmatazz will not like the stripper and will turn bright red in embarassment and anger when this happens. Dr. Razzmatazz might be gay according to some of the med students, but to me, he reminds me of a dad from a TV commercial who should be outside, raking leaves in a barn jacket with a toddler pulling on his pant leg. He likes to make his fingers into a steeple and say things like "...but what's the differential diagnosis?"

Subtly Gay Doctor moved here not long ago after living in San Francisco for most of his life. He doesn't look particularly gay usually and probably doesn't attract the suspicion of any of his patients. When he talks about medical things, he is brusque and businesslike and likes to say "the kid's not that sick! He's not on death's door or anything? Discharge, discharge, discharge!" If you get him talking about other things, though, he will slip and make very telltale little hand gestures that force me to suppress a giggle. He is a gourmand and prides himself on knowing all the decent restaurants in the area. He likes to gossip about the other gay people in the hospital: "...and then he got scared and had to call his boyfriend to save him because he heard noises late at night and was alone in the house! Oh really, as if his boyfriend could hurt a fly if he wanted to. And he told me not to tell this story to anyone, because he said everyone at the hospital thinks he's straight!" (at this, he rolls his eyes dramatically and laughs).

The other doctor on service with me I will call Dr. Likes Blonde Doctors or Dr. LBD for short. Dr. LBD only likes some of the medical students - guess which ones? The problem is that there are no other blonde students on this rotation currently. He's very funny and entertaining, and his trademark phrase is "But, like, whatever! I mean, WHAT-EVER." When a male medical student is nervously giving a presentation on rounds, he will turn to me the entire time, rolling his eyes with a very 'get a load of this guy' expression. He barely pays any attention to the presentation itself. As the presentation winds down, he winks at me, turns back to the male medical student, and nonchalantly says "Ok, whatever, whatever." At a recent lunch lecture, Dr. LBD made me very uncomfortable by staring me straight in the eyes the entire time. I didn't know if we were having a staring contest, or he was just trying to psych me out, but as he was lecturing, even if other students would ask questions, he didn't take his eyes off me as he answered them. The annoying part about this was that when he asked questions to quiz us, he always appeared to be addressing me, so no one else would try to answer. I'm not very good on the spot, so I would throw out any answer that came to my head, blushing. I thought it might be wise to try to get an evaluation from Dr. LBD, but he hides in his office a lot and I was so scared to deal with him in there, alone, that I decided against it.